1 00:00:08,082 --> 00:00:09,877 Jump back, baby. 2 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:53,934 Fritz, did you go down and see the welfare people today? 3 00:00:53,979 --> 00:00:57,070 Yeah. They told me to report some place tomorrow. 4 00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:59,168 I got it written down on a piece of paper, I think. 5 00:00:59,212 --> 00:01:01,110 Listen, are you gonna go? 6 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,008 I don't know. Let's fuck. 7 00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:06,670 Then will you go out and look for a job like you said? 8 00:01:06,712 --> 00:01:08,769 What? Did I say that? 9 00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:11,868 Man, oh, man, am I stoned! 10 00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:15,435 How is it a grown man can spend so much time... 11 00:01:15,478 --> 00:01:20,137 just dreaming about what he's gonna do for his family? 12 00:01:21,677 --> 00:01:25,609 For Christ's sakes! Will you come down to Earth? 13 00:01:25,644 --> 00:01:29,736 What we need is the basic staff of life! 14 00:01:29,777 --> 00:01:31,140 Like grub! 15 00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:35,234 I never saw anybody walking around more stoned than you. 16 00:01:35,277 --> 00:01:37,106 Always stoned! 17 00:01:37,142 --> 00:01:39,870 Where do you get the money to buy that grass? 18 00:01:39,909 --> 00:01:41,171 Will you tell me? 19 00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,607 You and your Acapulco Gold. 20 00:01:43,643 --> 00:01:46,040 You know what that is? That's shit! 21 00:01:46,077 --> 00:01:49,940 Which is what you are! You are shit, Fritz! 22 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,407 Here's something you don't know. 23 00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:56,068 Harvey and I made it. What do you think of that? 24 00:01:56,108 --> 00:01:59,007 We made it, and he's better in bed than you are. 25 00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:01,802 You know why? He's hung like a horse. 26 00:02:01,842 --> 00:02:05,001 What about you? You're nothing. 27 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,701 You're nothing in the living room. 28 00:02:06,741 --> 00:02:08,298 You're nothing in the bathroom. 29 00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:09,864 You're nothing in bed. 30 00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:13,897 You don't even change the damn roller on the toilet paper. 31 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,998 I'm the one that uses that mostly. 32 00:02:16,041 --> 00:02:17,221 And what about putting the seat down? 33 00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:18,468 Why don't you ever do that? 34 00:02:18,508 --> 00:02:22,998 Why don't you take that chicken-shit grin off your face? 35 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,871 Fritz! You're a no-good! 36 00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:29,839 How much can a person take? 37 00:02:31,173 --> 00:02:33,605 And why don't you ever put the goddamn seat down... 38 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,663 when you're through peeing? 39 00:02:35,707 --> 00:02:37,400 You rotten putz, you! 40 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,735 That's all you do is sit around. 41 00:02:39,773 --> 00:02:43,000 I never saw anything like it in my entire life! 42 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:44,971 You know what I would like to do to you? 43 00:02:45,006 --> 00:02:47,233 I would like to take you and shake you... 44 00:02:47,273 --> 00:02:50,931 until all your teeth fall right onto the floor... 45 00:02:50,973 --> 00:02:52,336 and then you know what I'd do? 46 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,133 I'd stamp on them, all the teeth... 47 00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,551 and I'd make them right into powder. 48 00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:57,764 And then I'd sprinkle the powder right over your head. 49 00:02:57,805 --> 00:03:01,000 And then I would knock you right in the goddamn face! 50 00:03:01,038 --> 00:03:02,697 I'd like to pulverize you! 51 00:03:02,738 --> 00:03:04,034 I'd take your nose... 52 00:03:04,072 --> 00:03:06,231 and I'd put it across the room on the wall. 53 00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:09,669 I'd like to knock you into next week sometimes! 54 00:03:09,705 --> 00:03:12,898 This is it, Fritz. I'm really sore. 55 00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:15,403 Now, I'm really sore. I am sick to death! 56 00:03:15,438 --> 00:03:17,529 I'm gonna tell you one time and one time only... 57 00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,298 so you better listen to me... 58 00:03:19,338 --> 00:03:20,963 because if you don't listen to me now... 59 00:03:21,004 --> 00:03:22,197 I ain't gonna say it again. 60 00:03:22,238 --> 00:03:24,499 I'll go out and get myself a two by four... 61 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,196 and beat your fucking head in! 62 00:03:26,237 --> 00:03:28,362 You are gonna pick up after yourself. 63 00:03:28,403 --> 00:03:30,426 From now on, I'm through picking up after you. 64 00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:33,697 And you will put the seat down on that goddamn toilet! 65 00:03:33,736 --> 00:03:36,134 I'm telling you one time and one time only. 66 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:39,261 You're a no-good bum, and I've had it with you, Fritz! 67 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,291 I have had it with you! 68 00:03:47,902 --> 00:03:49,732 And let me tell you something else. 69 00:03:49,768 --> 00:03:51,666 I know you play around. 70 00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:54,725 Don't try to lie to me. 71 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,064 You don't even have a guilty look on your face. 72 00:03:57,101 --> 00:03:58,349 You really don't give a goddamn. 73 00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,891 I know that you're playing around. 74 00:04:00,935 --> 00:04:02,298 Don't think I haven't seen you. 75 00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:04,358 I get telephone calls from girls. 76 00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:06,889 They call me up. God knows why they want you. 77 00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:10,423 Don't they know how shitty you are in bed?! 78 00:04:14,101 --> 00:04:16,033 Hey, man, don't do that. 79 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,533 What? Do what? 80 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,747 You know what I'm talking about. 81 00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,790 What the hell are you laying on me, man? 82 00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,663 I ain't laying nothing on you, man. 83 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,929 It's what you laid on me. No need to be crude. 84 00:04:24,967 --> 00:04:26,956 God damn it, you freaking out or something? 85 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,932 Look, Juan, if we can just cash this welfare check... 86 00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:32,797 we can get us some Rip Bull or maybe even some muscatel. 87 00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:34,822 Kiss off, dude! That's your problem. 88 00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:37,060 You ain't got the guts to admit when you're wrong. 89 00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:39,725 You just passed gas at me, man, and that's uncool. 90 00:04:39,765 --> 00:04:41,061 Oh, wow. 91 00:04:41,099 --> 00:04:43,725 Don't have the guts to confess you're a goddamn coward. 92 00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:45,731 You're just like my sister. 93 00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:48,390 Well, you P.R.s are hypersensitive, you know? 94 00:04:48,433 --> 00:04:49,612 I thought you and me were friends. 95 00:04:49,632 --> 00:04:51,462 A little wig out, I'm a religion now, huh? 96 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,795 A P.R., huh? Nice. 97 00:04:52,832 --> 00:04:54,354 Hey, about your sister, Juan... 98 00:04:54,398 --> 00:04:56,091 does she have big tits? 99 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,788 I wish you people would learn to speak English. 100 00:05:00,832 --> 00:05:02,127 Christ knows we were here first. 101 00:05:02,165 --> 00:05:05,460 It's the only way I talk to a man who has habits like a pig. 102 00:05:05,499 --> 00:05:06,691 Man, don't be that way. 103 00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,992 Let's get some wine and go see your sister... 104 00:05:09,031 --> 00:05:10,587 and maybe we can get it on. 105 00:05:10,631 --> 00:05:13,563 Beats the hell out of freezing our balls off, right? 106 00:05:13,598 --> 00:05:17,257 No deal, man. I can't trust you no more. 107 00:05:17,297 --> 00:05:19,559 I can't let you fuck my sister, you know? 108 00:05:19,598 --> 00:05:21,188 You got no class, man. 109 00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:22,924 You wouldn't let me fuck your sister. 110 00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:24,487 Why should I let you fuck mine? 111 00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:26,190 Listen, your sister is some piece of ass. 112 00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:28,822 I know, man. Yeah. 113 00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,329 My sister? 114 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:32,261 Wow, man, I can't believe that. 115 00:05:32,296 --> 00:05:33,785 Yeah, man, you better believe it. 116 00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:36,455 She was a female creature of tender passion... 117 00:05:36,497 --> 00:05:38,928 of simple earthen charm, you know? 118 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:42,087 Wow, dude, that's good. 119 00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:44,424 Yeah, you could say that. 120 00:05:44,462 --> 00:05:46,893 Juan, you better get back in the phone booth again. 121 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,952 I feel a fart coming on. 122 00:06:01,062 --> 00:06:02,789 Check it out. 123 00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:05,919 We done came all the way across town... 124 00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:10,087 done caught busses and cars and hitchhiked to get here... 125 00:06:10,127 --> 00:06:11,649 then put on our best clothes... 126 00:06:11,694 --> 00:06:13,284 so we can walk in this neighborhood... 127 00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:16,158 so we can get in one of these white houses... 128 00:06:16,193 --> 00:06:18,819 to rip off one of them $400 televisions... 129 00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:20,758 one of them $300 watches... 130 00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,952 one of them Panasonic, rena-sonic... 131 00:06:22,993 --> 00:06:26,289 exto-sonic, plesto-plastic stereos. 132 00:06:26,327 --> 00:06:28,555 With the quadro-flex, modu-lextic... 133 00:06:28,593 --> 00:06:31,685 medu-modula needles and shit... 134 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:32,885 Big-time shit, man. 135 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,272 I ain't never heard of nothing like that. 136 00:06:34,292 --> 00:06:36,315 You ain't in this community, blood! 137 00:06:36,359 --> 00:06:38,917 That's why we came here, you know what I'm saying? 138 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,619 You don't know what you doing, man. 139 00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:43,648 I also be doing this big-time organizing and shit. 140 00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:48,125 You ripping off washing machines and toilet paper. 141 00:06:48,159 --> 00:06:51,682 Unusual odd shit. Now you know why we here. 142 00:06:51,725 --> 00:06:54,157 OK, now... 143 00:06:54,191 --> 00:06:56,782 we gonna crawl in this here window, all right? 144 00:06:56,825 --> 00:07:00,814 You take the downstairs, and I'll take the upstairs. 145 00:07:00,858 --> 00:07:03,381 Why is it that I always got to take the downstairs? 146 00:07:03,425 --> 00:07:05,686 Beause you don't like jumping out of windows, man. 147 00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:06,883 Shit! 148 00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:09,890 Now, will you cut that out, Fritz? 149 00:07:09,924 --> 00:07:11,583 Hey! 150 00:07:13,257 --> 00:07:15,689 The beauty of cannabis. 151 00:07:15,723 --> 00:07:18,246 And then once we get inside, get everything... 152 00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,915 don't get no washing machines... then leave. 153 00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:22,218 Somebody's home! 154 00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:23,723 Doesn't it fill you with joy? 155 00:07:23,756 --> 00:07:25,086 Is that cat smoking? 156 00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:27,748 The unfettered exuberance, the lust for life? 157 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:29,255 It makes you... 158 00:07:29,289 --> 00:07:31,312 Look how he's smoking weed. 159 00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:32,981 want to drop your phony inhibitions... 160 00:07:33,023 --> 00:07:36,011 and love your fellow man? 161 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,487 Look at that chick with them titties! 162 00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:40,421 Or brother, maybe. Doesn't it? Huh? 163 00:07:41,956 --> 00:07:43,421 It is Juan's sister. 164 00:07:43,456 --> 00:07:46,182 Don't you kind of see things more clearly, huh? 165 00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:54,719 That's right. Take a good, long drag, sis. 166 00:07:54,754 --> 00:07:56,652 Now breathe in the smoke. Deep. 167 00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:59,153 It'll help clear your sinuses. 168 00:08:00,422 --> 00:08:03,115 Hey, I feel light-headed. 169 00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:11,616 That is Juan's sister, man! 170 00:08:11,653 --> 00:08:14,142 He's going to the store! 171 00:08:34,219 --> 00:08:36,277 Looks like a feature film, you know what I mean? 172 00:08:36,319 --> 00:08:37,546 Right on. 173 00:09:01,384 --> 00:09:07,077 Will it really expand my... awareness? 174 00:09:07,117 --> 00:09:09,208 Well, you know what they say... 175 00:09:09,251 --> 00:09:12,308 "Take tea and see." 176 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,680 Doesn't clear my sinuses at all. 177 00:09:18,616 --> 00:09:22,070 Daddy says you're only good for getting the papers. 178 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,943 Is that all you're good for, Fritz? 179 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,312 That's some kick, huh? 180 00:09:31,349 --> 00:09:34,111 You know the most interesting thing about smoking? 181 00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:36,012 It causes excessive perspiration... 182 00:09:36,049 --> 00:09:38,072 and a person has to take off all his clothes. 183 00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:40,240 Otherwise, he can drown to death in his own juices. 184 00:09:49,315 --> 00:09:53,714 Now, this activity is like artificial respiration. 185 00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:55,940 Smoke some more of this shit. Fuck them. 186 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,079 If I get up in this pad, I got the downstairs... 187 00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:03,477 - Hold it in. - I'll knock it out. 188 00:10:03,514 --> 00:10:05,275 You'd knock it out, you'd what? 189 00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:11,213 I love my brother's friends. 190 00:10:11,246 --> 00:10:13,770 Man, he ought to put a bag over that ugly bitch's head. 191 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,972 Stick her head in the couch, man. 192 00:10:16,013 --> 00:10:17,774 Before I stick my thing in her... 193 00:10:17,813 --> 00:10:20,279 - Look at them fuck. - Man, hold up. 194 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,275 Makes me kind of horny, man. 195 00:10:23,313 --> 00:10:24,643 - Yeah. - Let's rob. 196 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,407 Duck, man. There's a car coming up the driveway. 197 00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:29,809 I bet it's her old man. 198 00:10:32,645 --> 00:10:34,804 Is this good for the liver? 199 00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:40,270 Oh, Fritz. That's good! 200 00:10:40,312 --> 00:10:41,539 Chita! 201 00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,101 That's the ugliest motherfucker. 202 00:10:43,145 --> 00:10:44,304 Daddy! 203 00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:45,777 Look at that snaggle-toothed... 204 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,004 big, greasy, fucking nasty pig. 205 00:10:48,045 --> 00:10:50,738 Gee, pops, maybe I should go get the papers, huh? 206 00:10:50,778 --> 00:10:54,767 Papers?! Why, you, you! Little son of a bitch. 207 00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:56,867 What do you want, pops, News or the Times? 208 00:10:56,911 --> 00:10:59,206 Pink commie bastard! 209 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,536 Shit. 210 00:11:03,577 --> 00:11:06,009 I guess you killed him, right in the ass. 211 00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:08,407 I guess we can't rob this pad today, huh? 212 00:11:08,444 --> 00:11:11,534 We'll come back tomorrow. 213 00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:14,132 My sister was once in psychoanalysis. 214 00:11:14,176 --> 00:11:16,608 She says you're a boy who would fuck his mother. 215 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,370 And what have you done for Ralphie? 216 00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:20,433 Other than to teach him how to masturbate? 217 00:11:20,477 --> 00:11:22,874 And left-handed, no less. 218 00:12:18,407 --> 00:12:20,634 You must be new around here. 219 00:12:20,672 --> 00:12:23,968 I haven't seen your face before. 220 00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,904 My old lady kicked me out of the house. 221 00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:28,905 I've had this streak of bad luck lately... 222 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,167 and she's been making noise I should go find work. 223 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:40,062 What'd you say, something about work? 224 00:12:40,104 --> 00:12:42,798 Everybody knows that's what kills a man. 225 00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:48,698 Starts out with an eight-hour day... 226 00:12:48,737 --> 00:12:50,600 forty hours a week... 227 00:12:50,638 --> 00:12:53,626 and, hell, boy, before you know it... 228 00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:57,797 you're married to some fine-ass woman and buying a house. 229 00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:03,526 I'll help you. 230 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:08,734 Yeah, that's terrible. 231 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:10,599 Work is terrible. 232 00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:13,830 What the hell do you get for it, anyway? 233 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:15,426 Jeez, I don't know. 234 00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:17,993 It's just money is all. It's evil. 235 00:13:18,037 --> 00:13:19,866 I tell you, it's evil. 236 00:13:19,902 --> 00:13:22,562 It all starts from having to work. 237 00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:25,194 Now, if you don't have to work... 238 00:13:25,235 --> 00:13:27,099 why, you don't get any money. 239 00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,068 You know what I mean? It's that simple. 240 00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,794 Yeah. That's what I try to tell my old lady. 241 00:13:31,836 --> 00:13:34,768 She sent my ass down to the welfare office again... 242 00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,182 and those creeps started to hit on me... 243 00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:39,396 about receiving public assistance for over a year... 244 00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:43,924 and here was my last... Are you OK? 245 00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:45,433 It's my last check and all... 246 00:13:45,468 --> 00:13:46,748 and I had failed to find employment again. 247 00:13:46,768 --> 00:13:49,598 It's just too much bullshit, so I split. 248 00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:50,914 It doesn't pay to hit the big time. 249 00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:53,526 - No. - Yeah. 250 00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,355 Oh, wow. 251 00:14:09,567 --> 00:14:12,192 Well, you got any plans, son? 252 00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:14,460 Oh, yeah. I figured I'd settle down here. 253 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,591 Get away from all the zipper-heads uptown. 254 00:14:16,632 --> 00:14:20,257 Not get involved with all the extemporaneous bullshit. 255 00:14:20,299 --> 00:14:22,197 And, hey, by the way, what's your name? 256 00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:25,494 Oh, I'm God. 257 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,361 Wow, man, that is heavy. 258 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:29,523 You're really God, huh? No shit? 259 00:14:38,098 --> 00:14:39,757 You OK? 260 00:14:39,798 --> 00:14:43,696 I've been God for about three and a half years now. 261 00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:47,853 A lot of responsibility, you know. 262 00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:54,556 I'll bet. 263 00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:57,324 Also, I'm black belt karate. 264 00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,124 No shit? Wow, this really blows my mind. 265 00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:01,789 Me, I'm standing here rapping with God. 266 00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:03,797 Far out! 267 00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,796 You want to be my assistant? 268 00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:07,194 Well... 269 00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:10,627 I might be forced to give up my job. 270 00:15:13,096 --> 00:15:16,425 I can't keep busting my ass this here way. 271 00:15:17,729 --> 00:15:21,319 Anyway, I've been into some heavy gear in one of my lives. 272 00:15:21,362 --> 00:15:23,055 I got nine of them, pal. 273 00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:25,254 I got hung up with the weirdest dude one time... 274 00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:27,319 you could ever imagine. 275 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:31,990 This guy I'm thinking of was really psycho... 276 00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:34,017 you wouldn't believe it. 277 00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,917 Jesus. 278 00:15:59,227 --> 00:16:02,624 Wow, God, you really do some weird shit, you know? 279 00:16:10,592 --> 00:16:14,026 Make the fucking world in seven days... try it sometime. 280 00:16:36,225 --> 00:16:37,815 Work your vanilla! 281 00:16:41,624 --> 00:16:43,613 Oh, the Yanks are coming! 282 00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:50,155 And remember, your fathers and mothers... 283 00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:53,248 and all of your Fatherland will be watching you. 284 00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:56,223 Envying in the great glory... 285 00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:59,245 for which you have been selected... 286 00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:03,688 you all have promised to die for the Fuhrer. 287 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,245 Who wants to be next? 288 00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,517 Ooh! Oh, Mama! 289 00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:11,283 Mama, was Papa ever like this? 290 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,117 Mein Fuhrer, the bombs have just killed your orderly! 291 00:17:39,154 --> 00:17:42,551 Ah, another orderly gone. 292 00:17:42,588 --> 00:17:44,917 Get me another one! 293 00:17:44,954 --> 00:17:47,749 Order another orderly quickly! 294 00:17:47,786 --> 00:17:49,412 Another orderly quickly! 295 00:17:49,454 --> 00:17:51,010 Another orderly! 296 00:17:51,054 --> 00:17:53,746 Another orderly for the Fuhrer! 297 00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:55,810 Put up an "Out of Orderly" sign! 298 00:17:55,854 --> 00:18:00,548 - Harder! - I get excited! Good! 299 00:18:00,587 --> 00:18:02,950 My Lenore! 300 00:18:02,986 --> 00:18:05,713 My liebchen! 301 00:18:10,319 --> 00:18:13,876 Ohh! Hans! I mean, he was... ohh! 302 00:18:13,919 --> 00:18:15,714 Hans, I'm sorry. I... 303 00:18:15,752 --> 00:18:17,377 Stand aside! 304 00:18:17,419 --> 00:18:20,407 Oh, he was so wonderful! Oh, Hans! 305 00:18:21,885 --> 00:18:23,714 I mean, he was... 306 00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:25,650 My aching swastika! 307 00:18:25,685 --> 00:18:28,015 I thought being a Nazi as all "Sieg, Sieg"... 308 00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:30,280 and "Sieg Heil!" This is for shit! 309 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,250 I better get my ass the fuck out of here. 310 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,580 War is hell! 311 00:18:49,483 --> 00:18:52,881 Mein Fuhrer, here are the candidates for your orderly. 312 00:18:56,850 --> 00:18:58,281 Heil Hitler! 313 00:18:58,316 --> 00:19:00,804 Sieg heil! 314 00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,440 That one! 315 00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:03,710 I want that one! 316 00:19:03,750 --> 00:19:05,977 Him! That's him! 317 00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:23,540 Excuse me, Fuhrer. I didn't mean to stare. 318 00:19:23,582 --> 00:19:26,877 What is it? You see something missing maybe? 319 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,108 No, no! Everything's fine... 320 00:19:29,148 --> 00:19:31,306 but you've only got one ball. 321 00:19:31,348 --> 00:19:35,006 Everybody in the Third Reich has to do without something! 322 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,513 I see. 323 00:19:36,548 --> 00:19:40,742 When the Fuhrer is naked, everyone is naked! 324 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,736 Well, here I am, aren't I? Hi. 325 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:48,007 Imbecile. Imbecile. 326 00:19:48,047 --> 00:19:52,036 Don't you know what is expected of you now? 327 00:19:52,079 --> 00:19:54,637 What? I think you dropped something. 328 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,236 What? I dropped something? 329 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,472 I put the soap in your hand, you see... 330 00:19:59,513 --> 00:20:01,501 and you seem to have let it go. 331 00:20:01,546 --> 00:20:03,410 Dropped it, like... 332 00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:06,640 almost like you weren't interested in washing at all! 333 00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:09,042 I was not conscious of this. 334 00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:11,067 It is simple to see, Mein Fuhrer. 335 00:20:11,112 --> 00:20:13,772 You're real motivations are blocked here. 336 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:17,267 Blocked? What is blocked? 337 00:20:17,312 --> 00:20:18,800 It's a new word. 338 00:20:18,845 --> 00:20:20,674 It means what's inside can't get outside. 339 00:20:20,711 --> 00:20:22,109 Some kind of Freudian horseshit. 340 00:20:22,144 --> 00:20:25,577 Oh, inside, can't get out... 341 00:20:25,611 --> 00:20:27,440 You're a nice boy. 342 00:20:30,144 --> 00:20:32,666 I'm going to make a confession. 343 00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:36,733 Sometimes, I would like to be a ballet dancer. 344 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,265 Really? No kidding? 345 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:40,606 I often see myself in the opera. 346 00:20:40,644 --> 00:20:41,870 Oh, wow. 347 00:20:41,911 --> 00:20:43,809 And the people are applauding me! 348 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,537 Well, sure they would. 349 00:20:55,609 --> 00:20:57,507 There you go! You see? 350 00:20:57,543 --> 00:20:59,372 That means this whole number you're doing... 351 00:20:59,410 --> 00:21:01,500 this conquest of the world thing... 352 00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:04,509 or whatever it is, is just to get attention. 353 00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:07,236 Interesting you should say that... 354 00:21:07,275 --> 00:21:09,468 but I am washing, see, now? 355 00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:12,565 So why did I drop the soap? 356 00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:15,733 Well, that, my dear Herr Hitler... 357 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,934 is a question you must ask yourself... 358 00:21:17,974 --> 00:21:20,770 when you wrestle with the true identity, you know. 359 00:21:20,808 --> 00:21:23,330 I mean, in the dawning of self-awareness... 360 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,738 between you and your pillow, man... 361 00:21:25,775 --> 00:21:28,104 when after the labors of sleepless nights... 362 00:21:28,141 --> 00:21:32,903 you gained the exalted heights of the altar of truth! 363 00:21:32,941 --> 00:21:34,600 You have insight. 364 00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:37,937 When I see something I want, I grab it. 365 00:21:37,973 --> 00:21:39,269 Sure, why not? 366 00:21:39,307 --> 00:21:43,932 And my stomach doesn't stop to ask my head if it's hungry. 367 00:21:43,974 --> 00:21:45,166 No, that figures. 368 00:21:45,207 --> 00:21:49,503 By the way, what is your name? 369 00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:51,506 Fritz. 370 00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:57,029 Well, Fritz, you say you once had three balls? 371 00:21:57,073 --> 00:21:58,299 Yeah. 372 00:21:58,339 --> 00:22:01,498 Would you like to try for one? 373 00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:04,164 I don't... Sir! 374 00:22:04,206 --> 00:22:06,671 Listen... OK, OK! 375 00:22:06,705 --> 00:22:09,331 Now, look, I'm gonna pick up the soap. 376 00:22:09,372 --> 00:22:11,167 I am. Just wait. 377 00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:14,500 I'm gonna bend over now. Just... 378 00:22:14,539 --> 00:22:17,504 I'm gonna... Hey, watch it, will ya?! 379 00:22:17,539 --> 00:22:19,835 Mein Fuhrer, wait! 380 00:22:19,871 --> 00:22:21,530 Oh, my God, wait! 381 00:22:22,604 --> 00:22:25,070 Ich bin der fuhrer! 382 00:22:30,603 --> 00:22:33,467 Gee, Fuhrer, now you got no balls. 383 00:22:33,504 --> 00:22:35,560 Mein Fuhrer! 384 00:22:35,603 --> 00:22:40,558 Gentlemen, we can no longer continue. 385 00:22:40,603 --> 00:22:43,365 War is just a question of balls. 386 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:46,835 Ja, balls. 387 00:22:46,870 --> 00:22:49,802 Goebbels. Goebbels, are you not... 388 00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:52,302 my most loyal and truthful assistant? 389 00:22:52,336 --> 00:22:53,824 Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer. 390 00:22:53,869 --> 00:22:57,824 Did you not invent the slogan which binds all us Nazis? 391 00:22:57,869 --> 00:22:59,267 Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer. 392 00:22:59,302 --> 00:23:00,825 And what is that slogan? 393 00:23:00,869 --> 00:23:02,062 Death before dishonor. 394 00:23:02,103 --> 00:23:05,000 What an asshole slogan. 395 00:23:05,035 --> 00:23:07,297 You can always change the slogan. 396 00:23:15,569 --> 00:23:17,534 You must think of Fraulein Braun. 397 00:23:17,568 --> 00:23:19,057 She needs you. 398 00:23:19,102 --> 00:23:21,158 Ja, think of Eva. 399 00:23:21,201 --> 00:23:23,463 How she would miss you, Adolf. 400 00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:25,796 That's right. 401 00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:31,167 After all, who could take my place? 402 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,996 Sieg heil! 403 00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:46,025 I got that Nazi rat bastard... 404 00:24:46,062 --> 00:24:48,029 right between the crack in his ass! 405 00:24:48,062 --> 00:24:52,460 Now how do those sons of bitches expect to win a war... 406 00:24:52,496 --> 00:24:54,825 when they're out of goddamn uniform, huh? 407 00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:00,361 I don't have any time to do anything for myself! 408 00:25:00,395 --> 00:25:02,986 I don't even have time to get myself a new diaphragm! 409 00:25:03,029 --> 00:25:05,586 If you hold it up to the light, you can see little pinholes. 410 00:25:05,628 --> 00:25:09,788 Fritz, I'm tired of plugging it up with Chapstick! 411 00:25:17,628 --> 00:25:19,992 Out of my shop. I won't cash your check... 412 00:25:20,027 --> 00:25:22,227 and there's no such thing as a refund on those things... 413 00:25:22,261 --> 00:25:24,352 just 'cause you say it don't fit quite right. 414 00:25:24,394 --> 00:25:26,485 But it's never been used, Niki. 415 00:25:26,528 --> 00:25:28,051 I'll even take a prorated refund. 416 00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:29,492 It was used! 417 00:25:33,860 --> 00:25:36,883 Well, only a little, a quickie. 418 00:25:36,926 --> 00:25:39,722 And I bet I know who this was used on, too, huh? 419 00:25:39,759 --> 00:25:42,055 OK, Niki, you're on. Try to guess who. 420 00:25:42,093 --> 00:25:45,218 Let's see now. With your filthy taste... 421 00:25:45,260 --> 00:25:47,192 Let's see, it must be a fat one, right? 422 00:25:47,226 --> 00:25:50,056 Yeah, right. Go on. 423 00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:53,923 And I just bet she sweat a lot, and she smell like a goat, huh? 424 00:25:53,959 --> 00:25:55,219 Right. 425 00:25:56,225 --> 00:25:59,157 And she's got bad breath, no teeth? 426 00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:01,555 Yes! Go on! You're getting warmer! 427 00:26:01,592 --> 00:26:04,614 And she's got big, hairy... 428 00:26:04,658 --> 00:26:08,215 goddamn moustache on the top lip! 429 00:26:08,259 --> 00:26:11,315 Oh, you got me, Niki. You got me nailed, man. 430 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:12,654 And I'll bet... 431 00:26:12,691 --> 00:26:16,021 that fucking whore been with every guy on this block, right? 432 00:26:16,057 --> 00:26:17,251 Right! 433 00:26:18,524 --> 00:26:21,013 Niki, you're a genius! 434 00:26:22,157 --> 00:26:25,920 Niki, you only left out one thing. 435 00:26:25,957 --> 00:26:28,014 What did I leave out, Fritz? 436 00:26:28,057 --> 00:26:31,022 You know what? She's got the clap! 437 00:26:33,223 --> 00:26:36,189 That's right! 438 00:26:36,223 --> 00:26:38,712 How could I skip that? That's a nice one. 439 00:26:38,757 --> 00:26:40,381 She got to have the clap, right? 440 00:26:40,423 --> 00:26:42,390 She has to. 441 00:26:42,423 --> 00:26:44,651 - Hey, Fritz. - Shit. 442 00:26:44,689 --> 00:26:47,382 Fritz, I'll tell you something. You're not so bad, you know? 443 00:26:47,423 --> 00:26:50,855 Maybe I'll cash your check after all. 444 00:26:50,890 --> 00:26:53,616 Hey, Fritz, tell me... 445 00:26:53,656 --> 00:26:55,644 what's this fat whore pig's name, huh? 446 00:26:55,688 --> 00:26:58,587 - What's the broad's name? - Gina. 447 00:26:58,622 --> 00:26:59,849 - Hey, Fritz. - What? 448 00:26:59,888 --> 00:27:01,582 That's a-my wife's name. 449 00:27:01,622 --> 00:27:04,349 Gina is my wife's name. She don't have the clap. 450 00:27:06,822 --> 00:27:08,253 She does now. 451 00:27:08,288 --> 00:27:09,913 Why, you... 452 00:27:09,955 --> 00:27:12,011 You fucking cat, I rip your balls off! 453 00:27:12,054 --> 00:27:13,644 Get the fuck out of my shop! 454 00:27:13,687 --> 00:27:16,415 Fuck off! You fucking cat! 455 00:27:16,454 --> 00:27:19,012 I kill you! I fuck you in the ass! 456 00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,179 Fritz, man, what's all this noise about, man? 457 00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:23,379 I can hear all the way from the alley. 458 00:27:24,421 --> 00:27:26,353 Don't even come here! 459 00:27:26,387 --> 00:27:28,478 Aw, nothing. Niki can't take a joke. 460 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,043 He takes things too seriously. 461 00:27:30,087 --> 00:27:31,746 It's hard not to around here. 462 00:27:31,787 --> 00:27:33,719 Gets pretty fucking deadly sometimes. 463 00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:37,480 I heard it was better years ago, you know what I mean? 464 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,146 But, Lenny, things have always been, more or less... 465 00:27:40,186 --> 00:27:41,550 up-and-down situation. 466 00:27:41,586 --> 00:27:44,017 This street wasn't always a shit-house, let me tell ya. 467 00:27:44,052 --> 00:27:45,600 And even as far back as the thirties... 468 00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,233 there were those who gave and those that took. 469 00:27:47,253 --> 00:27:50,616 Aw, Fritz, but what do I do with this here thing? 470 00:27:50,652 --> 00:27:52,880 You can have it. I'm done with it anyway. 471 00:27:52,919 --> 00:27:54,578 When I was back in the thirties... 472 00:27:54,619 --> 00:27:57,279 I was one very sharp continental-type stud. 473 00:28:17,917 --> 00:28:21,849 The only thing we have to fear is... 474 00:28:21,884 --> 00:28:23,407 fear itself. 475 00:28:51,015 --> 00:28:53,379 People must have faith. 476 00:28:56,382 --> 00:28:59,472 Together... we cannot fail. 477 00:29:16,548 --> 00:29:21,479 And it is up to you... to support... and make it work. 478 00:34:20,196 --> 00:34:21,685 Hey, putz! 479 00:34:21,729 --> 00:34:23,922 Your idea of helping out with the gas shortage... 480 00:34:23,963 --> 00:34:26,292 was to stop eating pizza... 481 00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:28,296 and bring home four of your hooker friends... 482 00:34:28,329 --> 00:34:31,124 to sleep with us at night to stimulate heat. 483 00:34:32,496 --> 00:34:34,243 Look, I don't know how you can own a business... 484 00:34:34,263 --> 00:34:35,819 and not be able to cash... 485 00:34:35,863 --> 00:34:38,385 this miserable pittance of a welfare check is all. 486 00:34:38,429 --> 00:34:40,224 If I give you all my money... 487 00:34:40,262 --> 00:34:42,727 I'll have nothing left to buy with. 488 00:34:42,762 --> 00:34:45,092 Oh, Christ, then you are in luck, Morris. 489 00:34:45,128 --> 00:34:47,357 Look at this. Knowing of your love for the unusual... 490 00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:50,208 I've brought you something you won't be able to resist. 491 00:34:50,228 --> 00:34:51,387 - I know it. - Resist? 492 00:34:51,428 --> 00:34:52,916 Believe me, I could resist. 493 00:34:52,962 --> 00:34:56,449 Just look at it, Morris... the design, the gentle contours. 494 00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,790 Why, it's almost Louis Quinze for Christ's sake. 495 00:34:58,828 --> 00:35:01,691 It's disgusting, for Christ's sake. 496 00:35:01,727 --> 00:35:03,955 It's the type of item that will sell so fast... 497 00:35:03,994 --> 00:35:06,926 you'll be pleading for more inside of a week, believe me. 498 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,025 It's been used. I can tell. 499 00:35:12,060 --> 00:35:13,958 What? Used? By a little old lady. 500 00:35:13,994 --> 00:35:16,323 A one-owner shitter... and genteel. 501 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,689 That's gentile, you stupid bastard. 502 00:35:18,727 --> 00:35:19,953 Don't get hosteel. 503 00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:21,220 That's "hostile." 504 00:35:21,259 --> 00:35:22,840 You're taking the wrong approach, Morris. 505 00:35:22,860 --> 00:35:25,122 Now, some of my best friends are Jewish. 506 00:35:25,159 --> 00:35:27,750 Do I look like the Chase Manhattan Bank? 507 00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:30,781 You come in here with out-of-money look in your face. 508 00:35:30,825 --> 00:35:33,291 Look like you got hit in the head with a foul pitch... 509 00:35:33,326 --> 00:35:35,349 and you want to sell me this. 510 00:35:35,392 --> 00:35:38,052 But with inflation, the value of a dollar going down... 511 00:35:38,092 --> 00:35:39,990 my expenses skyrocketing... 512 00:35:40,024 --> 00:35:43,650 Why, even this week, the price of a decent circumcision... 513 00:35:43,692 --> 00:35:45,681 something I shudder to think about. 514 00:35:45,724 --> 00:35:47,315 I agree with you there... 515 00:35:47,358 --> 00:35:50,791 but what's that got to do with my toilet seat? 516 00:35:53,291 --> 00:35:56,415 That's the point, my friend. 517 00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,945 My old seder used to say to me... 518 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:03,013 "Morris, take a pickle. It's made for eating." 519 00:36:03,057 --> 00:36:06,114 The thing you're holding is made for shitting. 520 00:36:06,157 --> 00:36:07,884 It's simple logic. 521 00:36:07,923 --> 00:36:09,583 You could even be a Rockefeller. 522 00:36:09,623 --> 00:36:13,146 It's tough to find a good pickle. 523 00:36:15,356 --> 00:36:19,515 Socioeconomically speaking, you're absolutely correct, but... 524 00:36:19,556 --> 00:36:21,522 Look, Fritz... 525 00:36:21,555 --> 00:36:23,613 the pickles are beginning to get to me. 526 00:36:23,655 --> 00:36:27,315 And these days, a soft stool is too important to me... 527 00:36:27,355 --> 00:36:30,345 for something to quibble, so I'll make you a deal. 528 00:36:30,389 --> 00:36:32,014 Tell you what I'm going to do. 529 00:36:32,056 --> 00:36:35,283 You give me the seat, I'll trade for you a bargain. 530 00:36:39,555 --> 00:36:42,543 Where did you get this thing? 531 00:36:43,589 --> 00:36:47,111 Questions... youth, all the time, questions. 532 00:36:47,154 --> 00:36:49,314 Nowadays people don't know an opportunity... 533 00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:51,320 when it smacks them upside of the face. 534 00:36:51,355 --> 00:36:53,252 I think I've been screwed. 535 00:36:53,287 --> 00:36:55,878 With that, you could be the next man on the moon. 536 00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:58,079 Fuck the moon. I been further than that once. 537 00:36:58,121 --> 00:37:00,348 That's no big deal. I'd rather take a shit. 538 00:37:00,388 --> 00:37:01,876 So would l. Give me the seat. 539 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:03,367 I'm going to hit you on the top of the head. 540 00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:06,548 This should cure you. Here we go. I say heal! 541 00:37:06,587 --> 00:37:08,644 Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal! 542 00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:11,152 Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ... 543 00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:12,652 I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb. 544 00:37:12,753 --> 00:37:14,412 Hello, world. 545 00:37:14,453 --> 00:37:17,612 This is the event mankind has been waiting for... 546 00:37:17,653 --> 00:37:20,585 the first man launched to Mars. 547 00:37:20,619 --> 00:37:24,382 Fritz, I got to tell you something right out in front. 548 00:37:24,419 --> 00:37:26,510 If it wouldn't be for this fucking cold... 549 00:37:26,552 --> 00:37:29,541 I'd be going all the way to Mars with you. 550 00:37:29,586 --> 00:37:32,347 39 million miles... a drop kick. 551 00:37:32,386 --> 00:37:35,011 But the doc says I can't fly with this cold. 552 00:37:35,052 --> 00:37:36,541 It's bad for the ears. 553 00:37:36,586 --> 00:37:38,826 He said something about me popping a drum or something... 554 00:37:38,851 --> 00:37:41,716 I don't know. 555 00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:45,078 Jeez, I got to get some more Binaca. 556 00:37:45,119 --> 00:37:47,641 Put that in my bring-ups, will you? 557 00:37:47,685 --> 00:37:49,198 Fritz, you know how I hate to bother you... 558 00:37:49,218 --> 00:37:50,741 when you're getting near the pad... 559 00:37:50,784 --> 00:37:53,875 but we got to make a decision on the Poli-Grip account. 560 00:37:53,917 --> 00:37:55,906 I can see you with a package of five spots... 561 00:37:55,951 --> 00:37:58,348 for the Japanese and Taiwan market. 562 00:37:58,384 --> 00:38:01,214 Incidentally, the residuals will be unreal. 563 00:38:01,251 --> 00:38:03,944 It's eight million yen for every thirteen-week cycle... 564 00:38:03,984 --> 00:38:05,381 and you don't have to declare it. 565 00:38:05,417 --> 00:38:07,542 You know, there's a whole cult... 566 00:38:07,583 --> 00:38:09,516 of denture-adhesive freaks out there... 567 00:38:09,549 --> 00:38:10,947 just waiting for a leader. 568 00:38:10,983 --> 00:38:13,211 Some of them still got their own teeth. 569 00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:15,807 Am I bothering you with all this, Fritz? 570 00:38:15,850 --> 00:38:17,748 My God, Fritz, I got to get some air in here. 571 00:38:17,783 --> 00:38:20,407 I feel myself slipping away. 572 00:38:20,449 --> 00:38:21,796 Now, I know you're against charities... 573 00:38:21,816 --> 00:38:23,304 and benefits and freebies... 574 00:38:23,349 --> 00:38:25,507 but hear me out on this one, Fritzie. 575 00:38:25,549 --> 00:38:28,014 There's a nationwide charity telethon coming up... 576 00:38:28,049 --> 00:38:29,877 the first of next month... 577 00:38:29,915 --> 00:38:32,312 for the further development of all-vegetable... 578 00:38:32,349 --> 00:38:36,280 organically-grown polyunsaturated Preparation H... 579 00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:37,542 with suntan oil. 580 00:38:37,582 --> 00:38:40,275 Jerry Lewis is going to be there... everybody. 581 00:38:40,315 --> 00:38:42,746 And before you shut me off, I got to tell you... 582 00:38:42,782 --> 00:38:45,747 the exposure will be sensational for you. 583 00:38:45,781 --> 00:38:47,128 And we might even have a spin-off... 584 00:38:47,148 --> 00:38:48,548 on a new movie that's coming out... 585 00:38:48,581 --> 00:38:51,513 with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello... 586 00:38:51,547 --> 00:38:53,376 called "Beach Ball Piles." 587 00:38:53,414 --> 00:38:56,676 Well, Fritz, I see we arrived at the pad... 588 00:38:56,714 --> 00:38:58,294 so this will give you some things to think about... 589 00:38:58,314 --> 00:39:00,337 on a 39-million mile trip. 590 00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:03,211 And remember, Fritz, sweetheart, I'd be with you all the way... 591 00:39:03,247 --> 00:39:05,678 it wouldn't be for this fucking cold. 592 00:39:08,213 --> 00:39:10,838 Hot damn. That chick wouldn't look bad... 593 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,936 holding up a Hershey's bar, would she? 594 00:39:14,313 --> 00:39:15,802 With nuts. 595 00:39:19,812 --> 00:39:22,835 Ah, freedom of the press. 596 00:39:22,879 --> 00:39:25,140 Jeez, I feel sorry for the poor slob. 597 00:39:25,179 --> 00:39:27,201 I wouldn't make that trip with him with six points. 598 00:39:27,246 --> 00:39:29,972 Hey, Fritz, baby, want to talk to Walter? 599 00:39:30,012 --> 00:39:31,637 Sure. Why not? 600 00:39:31,678 --> 00:39:35,111 Fritz, does being the first to set foot on Mars... 601 00:39:35,145 --> 00:39:37,372 golly... kind of give you goose bumps? 602 00:39:37,412 --> 00:39:40,434 Ahem. Gentlemen, I've been up and down... 603 00:39:40,478 --> 00:39:42,467 the four corners of this big old world... 604 00:39:42,511 --> 00:39:45,000 and I've seen it all, and I've done it all. 605 00:39:45,044 --> 00:39:48,636 I've fought many a good man and laid many a good woman. 606 00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:51,610 And I've had riches, fame, and adventure, too. 607 00:39:51,643 --> 00:39:54,201 Yes. I've stood eyeball-to-eyeball with death... 608 00:39:54,243 --> 00:39:58,608 countless times and never, never once squinted. 609 00:39:58,643 --> 00:40:00,939 Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest... 610 00:40:00,976 --> 00:40:03,999 and still my tortured soul cries out... more! 611 00:40:04,044 --> 00:40:09,442 More! Oh, shit! God, can there be any more? 612 00:40:09,477 --> 00:40:11,840 How do it feel, Fritz? 613 00:40:11,876 --> 00:40:14,603 I mean, Mars ain't around the corner. 614 00:40:14,643 --> 00:40:16,471 You're so right. 615 00:40:16,509 --> 00:40:19,476 Hey, would you like to discuss this in private? 616 00:40:19,509 --> 00:40:22,202 Gee, you got a lovely pair of eyes. 617 00:40:22,242 --> 00:40:23,674 In private? 618 00:40:23,708 --> 00:40:24,867 Sure. Listen, doll... 619 00:40:24,908 --> 00:40:26,534 I'd kind of like to give you a break. 620 00:40:26,575 --> 00:40:28,439 You know, kind of help pay back... 621 00:40:28,475 --> 00:40:30,566 for what my people did to your people. 622 00:40:30,608 --> 00:40:32,665 Yeah? What kind of a break? 623 00:40:32,708 --> 00:40:36,435 Well, you know, an exclusive... an inside story. 624 00:40:36,475 --> 00:40:40,100 Fritz, wait a second! Wait! Come on, what about us? 625 00:40:40,141 --> 00:40:44,096 What about a statement? Give us a break, man, come on. 626 00:41:28,105 --> 00:41:30,094 Baby. 627 00:41:38,472 --> 00:41:41,028 We interrupt this telecast of the first flight to Mars... 628 00:41:41,071 --> 00:41:43,127 for a message of real importance. 629 00:41:43,170 --> 00:41:46,762 As chairman of the board of the Golf Oil company... 630 00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:50,463 with its 13,000 dealers from coast-to-coast... 631 00:41:50,504 --> 00:41:54,629 I want to welcome you all to this momentous event. 632 00:41:54,671 --> 00:41:58,398 When you drive into one of our Golf stations... 633 00:41:58,436 --> 00:42:02,061 say howdy to the man who polishes your window... 634 00:42:02,104 --> 00:42:06,365 and we'll say howdy right back at you. 635 00:42:08,470 --> 00:42:09,662 At this very minute... 636 00:42:09,702 --> 00:42:12,668 you can look at one of our own Golf refineries... 637 00:42:12,703 --> 00:42:17,157 pumping away seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day... 638 00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:20,226 filling your tanks with gasoline. 639 00:42:20,269 --> 00:42:23,927 We at Golf Oil are bringing you this telecast... 640 00:42:23,969 --> 00:42:27,867 in appreciation of the millions of happy Golf customers... 641 00:42:27,901 --> 00:42:30,662 when they say, "Fill 'er up." 642 00:42:30,702 --> 00:42:32,133 What's that I hear? 643 00:42:35,368 --> 00:42:39,095 Jeez, look at the money they put in that rocket. 644 00:42:39,134 --> 00:42:40,648 You could buy time on "The Waltons"... 645 00:42:40,668 --> 00:42:42,691 for a year with that kind of bread. 646 00:42:45,501 --> 00:42:47,524 I wonder how you put a deal like that together. 647 00:42:47,567 --> 00:42:49,556 That's fascinating. 648 00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:55,927 We have ignition. 649 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,791 Me, too! 650 00:43:00,833 --> 00:43:02,356 Baby! 651 00:43:08,199 --> 00:43:09,927 So unbelievable. 652 00:43:09,966 --> 00:43:12,363 My brother-in-law would like a rocket like that. 653 00:43:16,665 --> 00:43:18,154 Shit. 654 00:43:30,165 --> 00:43:31,721 That's fascinating. 655 00:43:39,597 --> 00:43:40,995 Gee, look at that. 656 00:43:41,031 --> 00:43:42,553 Well, there he goes. 657 00:43:42,597 --> 00:43:44,688 When he gets back, we'll make millions. 658 00:44:05,563 --> 00:44:08,461 Jeez, I hope they got that explosion on tape. 659 00:44:08,496 --> 00:44:12,019 It'd be perfect for our forest lawn spots. 660 00:44:34,494 --> 00:44:36,256 Mr. Cobb. Heal, Mr. Cobb. 661 00:44:36,294 --> 00:44:37,817 Yeah. Heal. 662 00:44:37,861 --> 00:44:40,258 Through the power vested in me by God, Jesus Christ... 663 00:44:40,294 --> 00:44:43,021 I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb. 664 00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:29,285 Let me make one thing very clear... 665 00:45:29,324 --> 00:45:31,756 I am not a crook. 666 00:45:31,825 --> 00:45:33,415 Why don't you climb up off your ass? 667 00:45:33,458 --> 00:45:34,970 Remember I was telling you you should get to be... 668 00:45:34,990 --> 00:45:36,888 a contestant on "Let's Make a Deal"? 669 00:45:36,925 --> 00:45:38,947 I'll tell you what. You dress up like a frog. 670 00:45:38,990 --> 00:45:41,115 You look good in green. And wear a yarmulke. 671 00:45:41,156 --> 00:45:42,747 I think he likes Jewish people. 672 00:45:49,557 --> 00:45:53,784 Man, am I hung up, strung out, and uptight. 673 00:45:55,823 --> 00:45:59,153 Hey. God damn it, I know that laugh. 674 00:46:04,823 --> 00:46:08,152 Man, it couldn't be. 675 00:46:09,621 --> 00:46:12,315 Hey, man. You in a bag. 676 00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:15,981 Hey, Duke, is it really you? 677 00:46:16,022 --> 00:46:17,181 No shit. 678 00:46:17,222 --> 00:46:19,449 But I thought you were dead. I thought they got you. 679 00:46:20,555 --> 00:46:23,282 Fritz, you ain't changed a bit. 680 00:46:23,321 --> 00:46:26,253 You still don't know where it's at. 681 00:46:26,288 --> 00:46:28,379 What are you doing down here, anyway? 682 00:46:28,421 --> 00:46:31,853 I'm looking for the true meaning of my existence, as usual. 683 00:46:31,887 --> 00:46:33,819 I got tired of the pseudointellectuals... 684 00:46:33,854 --> 00:46:36,820 and the super-hype bullshitters running the world... 685 00:46:36,854 --> 00:46:39,115 determining my destiny. 686 00:46:39,153 --> 00:46:42,085 You dig it? And crushing my creative juices? 687 00:46:44,853 --> 00:46:46,479 Now lay the straight line on me. 688 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,747 My old lady kicked my ass out. 689 00:46:48,787 --> 00:46:50,308 That's what I figured. 690 00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:51,650 But you know, Duke... 691 00:46:51,686 --> 00:46:55,914 it's going to be better for all of us, really. 692 00:46:55,952 --> 00:46:57,249 No shit. 693 00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,881 Ain't I heard that somewhere before? 694 00:47:03,919 --> 00:47:05,578 That's no bullshit. 695 00:47:05,618 --> 00:47:08,050 There's better days ahead, I kid you not. 696 00:47:08,086 --> 00:47:11,347 We brothers got some great times rolling our way, man. 697 00:47:12,985 --> 00:47:15,711 - Now you brothers, huh? - Right on. 698 00:47:15,752 --> 00:47:17,683 Shit. No telling how black we'll be... 699 00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,480 by the time this little chat ends. 700 00:47:19,518 --> 00:47:21,416 Take my word for it. I know. 701 00:47:21,452 --> 00:47:24,009 Hey, Duke, you ever hear of New Jersey? 702 00:47:25,051 --> 00:47:27,278 Sure. 703 00:47:27,318 --> 00:47:28,840 You ever heard of Ray Charles? 704 00:47:28,883 --> 00:47:31,145 Yeah. Hey, and I'll tell you... 705 00:47:31,185 --> 00:47:33,377 you crows are finally going to come into your own. 706 00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:34,713 You wait and see. 707 00:47:34,750 --> 00:47:38,013 Jive sucker come into the ghetto, talking some stuff. 708 00:47:38,050 --> 00:47:41,039 Ought to cut the jive mother. 709 00:47:52,016 --> 00:47:53,312 Twenty-five. 710 00:47:53,349 --> 00:47:56,679 Ready, aim, fire! 711 00:47:57,682 --> 00:48:00,114 Twenty-six. 712 00:48:16,515 --> 00:48:19,639 Hey, man, your number's up. 713 00:48:19,681 --> 00:48:21,579 Come on, let's get to this. 714 00:48:21,614 --> 00:48:24,409 But... look, please, sir... 715 00:48:24,448 --> 00:48:27,141 you got the wrong guy, see? 716 00:48:27,181 --> 00:48:30,306 Don't push! 717 00:48:30,348 --> 00:48:33,337 At least let me tell you the way it happened, fella, huh? 718 00:48:36,714 --> 00:48:38,627 Go over to the White House and pick up a package. 719 00:48:38,647 --> 00:48:40,340 Yes, sir. 720 00:48:44,513 --> 00:48:45,876 Mr. President. 721 00:48:45,913 --> 00:48:47,310 You've got to do something. 722 00:48:47,347 --> 00:48:52,643 Believe me, there's nothing to worry about. 723 00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:54,770 Nothing to worry about? 724 00:48:54,813 --> 00:48:57,438 This... what's his name... 725 00:48:57,479 --> 00:48:58,638 Imaku. 726 00:48:58,678 --> 00:49:00,008 Whatever... is suggesting... 727 00:49:00,045 --> 00:49:02,876 that New Africa make a federation with Cuba... 728 00:49:02,912 --> 00:49:05,742 China, Africa, and Northern Ireland. 729 00:49:05,778 --> 00:49:07,573 I never did trust a nigger. 730 00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:10,100 But you voted in favor of giving them New Jersey. 731 00:49:10,144 --> 00:49:12,270 The final solution to the schwartzen problem... 732 00:49:12,311 --> 00:49:13,504 you said. 733 00:49:13,545 --> 00:49:15,340 And we get rid of the Puerto Ricans... 734 00:49:15,378 --> 00:49:17,037 and you can't get a decent shoeshine... 735 00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,442 in the whole of America. 736 00:49:18,478 --> 00:49:22,500 I haven't seen a decent football game in ten years. 737 00:49:22,544 --> 00:49:24,567 Honduras beat us in the Olympics. 738 00:49:24,610 --> 00:49:26,371 You know what that means? 739 00:49:26,410 --> 00:49:28,433 We have a whole country full of niggers... 740 00:49:28,477 --> 00:49:31,443 angry niggers, right across the river from New York. 741 00:49:31,477 --> 00:49:33,568 They could fart and destroy Washington. 742 00:49:37,477 --> 00:49:40,102 All we have to do... 743 00:49:40,143 --> 00:49:43,700 is keep President Supreme Jackson in office. 744 00:49:45,810 --> 00:49:46,969 Come in. 745 00:49:47,009 --> 00:49:49,271 Mr. President, I'm from the messenger service. 746 00:49:49,309 --> 00:49:50,468 It's about time. 747 00:49:50,509 --> 00:49:52,289 Now, deliver this to President Supreme Jackson. 748 00:49:52,309 --> 00:49:55,241 In New Jersey? I mean, New Africa? 749 00:49:55,275 --> 00:49:56,605 Well, that's where he is. 750 00:49:56,643 --> 00:50:01,041 But I heard these crows don't let whites in their country. 751 00:50:01,076 --> 00:50:02,974 How long have you been... 752 00:50:03,009 --> 00:50:04,599 with the Red Arrow delivery service? 753 00:50:04,642 --> 00:50:07,607 Today's my first day. I used to be on welfare. 754 00:50:12,475 --> 00:50:15,464 Go to the motor pool and get a car and a pass. 755 00:50:15,508 --> 00:50:16,667 Yes, sir. 756 00:50:16,708 --> 00:50:18,833 Remember, this is important... 757 00:50:18,874 --> 00:50:20,499 to our national security, so don't fail. 758 00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:21,802 I won't fail, sir. 759 00:50:21,841 --> 00:50:23,931 Please. Stop kissing my hand. 760 00:50:23,973 --> 00:50:26,962 - Yes, sir. - And touching my palms. 761 00:50:29,274 --> 00:50:30,433 Can I help you? 762 00:50:30,474 --> 00:50:32,439 I want to see the man in charge. 763 00:50:32,474 --> 00:50:33,769 I'm in charge here. 764 00:50:33,807 --> 00:50:36,967 I came to get a car and a pass into New Africa. 765 00:50:37,007 --> 00:50:40,302 OK, I'll get you a car and a pass to Niggerville. 766 00:50:41,973 --> 00:50:44,632 This is a rotary engine Mazda. 767 00:50:44,672 --> 00:50:46,934 Them niggers will steal anything they can. 768 00:50:46,973 --> 00:50:50,267 No sense in risking a new car to go over there. 769 00:50:50,306 --> 00:50:52,067 We ain't got anybody to wash 'em up no more. 770 00:50:52,106 --> 00:50:53,594 Here you go. 771 00:50:54,672 --> 00:50:56,934 Thanks. 772 00:50:56,972 --> 00:50:58,732 Come here. 773 00:50:58,772 --> 00:51:03,294 If you're going to New Africa... 774 00:51:03,339 --> 00:51:07,169 I got a wife and kid over there. 775 00:51:07,205 --> 00:51:08,830 They had to go with their people... 776 00:51:08,871 --> 00:51:10,632 when they gave the blacks New Jersey. 777 00:51:10,672 --> 00:51:13,263 - No shit? - Could you kind of... 778 00:51:13,304 --> 00:51:14,565 Well, there's a lot of blacks. 779 00:51:14,604 --> 00:51:16,263 You were married to a colored woman? 780 00:51:16,304 --> 00:51:18,600 Shit. That's ten years in the slammer. 781 00:51:18,638 --> 00:51:21,604 Yeah. Look, I don't expect you to look for 'em... 782 00:51:21,637 --> 00:51:24,263 but if you should happen to see 'em... 783 00:51:24,303 --> 00:51:25,929 will you tell 'em l... 784 00:51:25,970 --> 00:51:27,868 tell 'em I said hi. 785 00:51:37,503 --> 00:51:41,992 I wonder if they're still over there? 786 00:51:44,035 --> 00:51:46,399 OK. Your pass is good. Go on. 787 00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,731 Oh, hey, how do I find President Supreme Jackson? 788 00:51:49,769 --> 00:51:52,734 Wave a dollar bill. 789 00:51:52,769 --> 00:51:54,757 Yeah. Thanks. 790 00:51:54,802 --> 00:51:56,734 Yeah. Black is beautiful. 791 00:51:56,769 --> 00:51:58,461 Like they say, huh? 792 00:52:22,434 --> 00:52:25,264 I hears de gentle voices 793 00:52:29,667 --> 00:52:31,064 Hey, man. 794 00:52:31,100 --> 00:52:33,362 - Roscoe, dere, dere. - What? 795 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,831 That broad, man. That ugly broad. 796 00:52:35,866 --> 00:52:37,559 Hey, man. 797 00:52:37,599 --> 00:52:39,179 Ain't you going to say hello to your old lady? 798 00:52:39,199 --> 00:52:41,165 - Watch out, now. - That bitch is too ugly... 799 00:52:41,199 --> 00:52:44,063 for you to say hello to in public. 800 00:52:44,099 --> 00:52:46,031 Shoot. I'd go with her a lot quicker... 801 00:52:46,067 --> 00:52:48,396 than I'd go with your mama. 802 00:52:48,433 --> 00:52:49,592 Shoot. She's so ugly... 803 00:52:49,632 --> 00:52:52,428 your daddy don't even want to go with her. 804 00:52:52,465 --> 00:52:54,795 Shit! Look who's talking. 805 00:52:54,832 --> 00:52:57,423 Shit, if ugliness was electricity... 806 00:52:57,465 --> 00:52:59,488 your mama would be walking in a powerhouse. 807 00:52:59,532 --> 00:53:02,192 Oh, man, dig that. That's light shit. 808 00:53:02,231 --> 00:53:05,629 Your mama look like ten miles of bad road, nigger. 809 00:53:05,664 --> 00:53:07,028 Your mama got a face... 810 00:53:07,065 --> 00:53:08,928 that look like it been run over by a bus... 811 00:53:08,964 --> 00:53:12,487 and everybody kept telling how good she looking till you. 812 00:53:12,531 --> 00:53:15,826 And then... so she's been jumping in front of buses ever since. 813 00:53:19,831 --> 00:53:23,319 Man, I don't want to hear that. 814 00:53:27,331 --> 00:53:30,319 Oh, hey, look at that. 815 00:53:33,330 --> 00:53:36,558 Boy, some pair of gazongas there. 816 00:53:36,596 --> 00:53:38,619 That isn't bad. A little young. 817 00:53:38,662 --> 00:53:40,720 But, then, what the hell. 818 00:53:40,763 --> 00:53:43,319 These chicks know where it's at by the time they're 11 anyway. 819 00:54:20,727 --> 00:54:22,556 How do I get to the Black House? 820 00:54:22,593 --> 00:54:24,786 You take the number twenty bus on the corner. 821 00:54:24,826 --> 00:54:27,850 You do know what a corner is, don't you, honky? 822 00:54:51,958 --> 00:54:53,685 Somebody help. 823 00:54:53,725 --> 00:54:55,213 Help! 824 00:54:57,025 --> 00:55:00,047 Hey, man. Come on, help me, man, please. 825 00:55:00,091 --> 00:55:03,545 Oh, man. What's the matter? 826 00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:05,113 Well, a gang, man. 827 00:55:05,158 --> 00:55:06,748 They robbed... 828 00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:09,280 - Oh, Jesus. - Help me, man. 829 00:55:11,557 --> 00:55:13,523 Hey, help! There's a man hurt in the alley. 830 00:55:13,557 --> 00:55:15,182 Help me, somebody! 831 00:55:16,990 --> 00:55:19,889 - Where? - Back here. 832 00:55:21,223 --> 00:55:23,587 He hurt bad? 833 00:55:23,623 --> 00:55:26,351 Look, man, there's a phone down the block. 834 00:55:26,390 --> 00:55:28,877 Go and call an ambulance. 835 00:55:47,988 --> 00:55:49,182 Hello? 836 00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,948 Operator, give me the hospital. 837 00:55:50,989 --> 00:55:52,285 Give you what? 838 00:55:52,322 --> 00:55:55,254 A hospital... sick, doctor, pain, hurt, you know. 839 00:55:55,288 --> 00:55:57,083 Just a minute, mister. 840 00:55:57,121 --> 00:55:59,144 You looking for a Dr. Sax? 841 00:55:59,187 --> 00:56:00,449 Information number 30-70. 842 00:56:00,487 --> 00:56:04,420 Is that 13-17, or is that 30-70? 843 00:56:04,454 --> 00:56:08,148 - You making fun of me? - No, I just wanted to get... 844 00:56:08,187 --> 00:56:10,415 Sound like you white. You white? 845 00:56:10,454 --> 00:56:12,613 What's that got to do with anything? 846 00:56:12,654 --> 00:56:16,313 Honky, what you doing talking on a New African phone? 847 00:56:16,354 --> 00:56:18,319 Trying to get a hospital. 848 00:56:18,354 --> 00:56:21,286 You're going to need one the way you making fun of people. 849 00:56:21,321 --> 00:56:22,548 Look, all I want to know... 850 00:56:22,586 --> 00:56:26,712 is if the number is 13-17 or 30-70 or what. 851 00:56:26,753 --> 00:56:29,878 You such a smart ass, you figure it out. 852 00:56:32,753 --> 00:56:35,479 My opponent is accusing me of dodging the issues. 853 00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,485 Let me say this about that. 854 00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:41,509 Issues is the only thing I'm not dodging. 855 00:56:42,919 --> 00:56:46,214 Hey, two more of the same. 856 00:56:46,252 --> 00:56:49,445 What am I going to do, man? I mean, I work. 857 00:56:49,485 --> 00:56:53,439 I think I look good. I'm still young. 858 00:56:53,484 --> 00:56:56,473 You know, I might have about five children. 859 00:56:56,518 --> 00:56:58,143 And when I saw Jimi Hendrix... 860 00:56:58,185 --> 00:57:00,878 I'd never saw anybody play guitar, play like... 861 00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,577 He took a guitar one time and took... 862 00:57:02,617 --> 00:57:04,277 he had it round his neck, right? 863 00:57:04,318 --> 00:57:06,216 And there was a girl in the audience... 864 00:57:06,251 --> 00:57:07,564 that he was dedicating the song to... 865 00:57:07,584 --> 00:57:09,264 and he took it, spun it around his neck, right? 866 00:57:09,284 --> 00:57:10,463 He's got it on his neck, right? 867 00:57:10,483 --> 00:57:12,074 Just going around. Then he takes it... 868 00:57:12,117 --> 00:57:14,207 throws it down between his legs and jerks it off. 869 00:57:14,250 --> 00:57:17,546 He jerks it off, man. I couldn't believe it. 870 00:57:17,583 --> 00:57:19,572 And then threw her right back around his... 871 00:57:19,617 --> 00:57:21,163 and then started playing with his teeth. 872 00:57:21,183 --> 00:57:22,410 That's right. That's him. 873 00:57:22,450 --> 00:57:23,764 And then... after he played it with his teeth... 874 00:57:23,784 --> 00:57:25,063 he dropped it down on the ground... 875 00:57:25,083 --> 00:57:26,412 took some lighter fluid... 876 00:57:27,649 --> 00:57:29,342 You see it on the album cover. 877 00:57:29,383 --> 00:57:33,179 I decided that I just wanted to be a prostitute. 878 00:57:33,215 --> 00:57:35,148 Oh, honey. Wait a minute, baby. 879 00:57:35,182 --> 00:57:36,647 I just want to do my thing, baby. 880 00:57:36,683 --> 00:57:39,376 They tell me I can get me some furs. 881 00:57:39,416 --> 00:57:41,177 How you doing? 882 00:57:41,215 --> 00:57:42,680 Hey, pal... 883 00:57:42,715 --> 00:57:44,681 Nigger, you stepped on my shine! 884 00:57:44,715 --> 00:57:46,113 What's wrong with you? 885 00:57:46,149 --> 00:57:47,910 You better get the fuck outta my face. 886 00:57:47,948 --> 00:57:52,539 - What you talking about? - I'll cut you. Shoot you. 887 00:57:52,581 --> 00:57:54,603 Man, nigger, step outside! 888 00:57:54,648 --> 00:57:56,876 Listen, nigger, you better back off! 889 00:57:56,914 --> 00:57:58,470 I'll cut you from here to tomorrow! 890 00:57:58,515 --> 00:58:00,537 Back up? Ooh, that's right! 891 00:58:00,581 --> 00:58:04,138 I'll cut you so goddamn fast you won't bleed till tomorrow. 892 00:58:04,181 --> 00:58:05,340 Too easy. 893 00:58:05,380 --> 00:58:07,710 Have you got change for a dollar? 894 00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:12,143 Well, now, looky here! 895 00:58:12,180 --> 00:58:14,476 A real live white! 896 00:58:17,347 --> 00:58:18,972 Isn't anybody gonna break up that fight? 897 00:58:19,013 --> 00:58:20,808 Them niggers don't fight, sucker. 898 00:58:20,847 --> 00:58:23,471 Shit! They just roughin'. 899 00:58:23,514 --> 00:58:25,139 What's a whitey doing in this joint? 900 00:58:25,179 --> 00:58:27,441 - Here you go. - Thanks. You got a phone? 901 00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:28,968 It got ripped off. 902 00:58:29,013 --> 00:58:30,672 There's one down the street. 903 00:58:42,145 --> 00:58:45,669 Help! Somebody! Police! 904 00:58:54,778 --> 00:58:58,369 I got five dollars say you ain't gonna buy that number. 905 00:58:58,412 --> 00:59:01,138 In fact, I put my gold teeth on it... 906 00:59:01,177 --> 00:59:03,939 you can't make that number with a pencil and a sheet of... 907 00:59:03,977 --> 00:59:05,568 Who goes there? 908 00:59:05,611 --> 00:59:08,168 - Excuse me. - Don't bother me. I'm hot. 909 00:59:08,210 --> 00:59:11,108 Can you tell me where to find President Supreme Jackson? 910 00:59:11,144 --> 00:59:13,235 This jive motherfu... 911 00:59:13,277 --> 00:59:15,469 He's right inside. 912 00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:17,272 Go ahead. You can't make that money. 913 00:59:17,310 --> 00:59:19,106 Come on seven. Bet five. 914 00:59:22,909 --> 00:59:24,068 Now what is it? 915 00:59:24,109 --> 00:59:26,904 Message from the White House. The honky prez. 916 00:59:26,942 --> 00:59:30,397 - The White House? - Gimme the message. 917 00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:32,408 What does it say? 918 00:59:32,443 --> 00:59:36,135 It says that we attempt an assassination... 919 00:59:36,175 --> 00:59:39,300 and blame it on lmaku, man. 920 00:59:39,342 --> 00:59:42,069 Attempt to assassinate who? 921 00:59:42,108 --> 00:59:43,630 You, fool! 922 00:59:43,675 --> 00:59:45,039 Don't worry, man. 923 00:59:45,075 --> 00:59:47,700 We'll get an expert shot, man, and all he'll do is wound you. 924 00:59:47,741 --> 00:59:48,900 Wound me? 925 00:59:48,941 --> 00:59:50,736 We got to make it look real. 926 00:59:50,775 --> 00:59:54,003 Fuck that shit. I ain't gonna let nobody shoot me. 927 00:59:54,041 --> 00:59:55,303 The answer is no. 928 00:59:55,341 --> 00:59:58,307 Man, I ain't gonna lose this election. 929 00:59:58,341 --> 01:00:00,499 If I got to get shot you are! 930 01:00:20,507 --> 01:00:22,063 Not necessarily. 931 01:00:22,105 --> 01:00:25,765 Fritz? General Jones wants to talk to you! 932 01:00:25,805 --> 01:00:27,738 OK, thanks. 933 01:00:29,539 --> 01:00:30,834 I'm from... 934 01:00:30,873 --> 01:00:33,430 I know where the hell you from... 935 01:00:33,471 --> 01:00:35,700 - Don't anybody move! - What's this? 936 01:00:35,738 --> 01:00:37,185 We found you was bugging our conference... 937 01:00:37,205 --> 01:00:38,952 spying on the movements, tapping the telephones... 938 01:00:38,972 --> 01:00:42,267 and telling the papers I use hair straightener! 939 01:00:42,306 --> 01:00:43,601 How dare you. 940 01:00:43,638 --> 01:00:45,366 - Where's Jackson? - He's dead. 941 01:00:45,405 --> 01:00:46,564 Don't you bullshit me! 942 01:00:46,605 --> 01:00:50,093 I'm not. Killed by an American spy. 943 01:00:50,138 --> 01:00:53,228 What? I didn't kill anybody. 944 01:00:53,271 --> 01:00:54,567 Why would they kill Jackson? 945 01:00:54,604 --> 01:00:56,968 'Cause Jackson was a real brother. 946 01:00:57,003 --> 01:01:00,663 Ain't gonna let this murder go unavenged! 947 01:01:00,704 --> 01:01:02,794 The council has just declared war... 948 01:01:02,837 --> 01:01:05,962 on the United States, and dig that! 949 01:04:10,093 --> 01:04:14,354 I thought you said we were going to lose in two or three days. 950 01:04:14,393 --> 01:04:17,018 It's been two weeks. 951 01:04:17,059 --> 01:04:19,422 Where's all that war reparations money... 952 01:04:19,459 --> 01:04:20,686 we was supposed to get? 953 01:04:20,725 --> 01:04:23,021 All them PXs and black market cigarettes? 954 01:04:23,059 --> 01:04:26,116 Now, give me a chance to get my head together, man. 955 01:04:26,158 --> 01:04:27,953 Now what is it? 956 01:04:27,992 --> 01:04:30,617 The President of the United States. 957 01:04:40,457 --> 01:04:44,049 Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President... 958 01:04:44,091 --> 01:04:48,046 Ladies and gentlemen, as Commander in Chief... 959 01:04:48,091 --> 01:04:50,784 of all the United States military forces... 960 01:04:50,824 --> 01:04:53,346 I surrender. 961 01:04:56,057 --> 01:04:57,489 What? Surrender? 962 01:04:57,523 --> 01:04:59,079 What the hell you mean, surrender?! 963 01:04:59,124 --> 01:05:01,681 You better get back to fighting. 964 01:05:01,722 --> 01:05:03,689 You folks ain't never lost a war. 965 01:05:03,723 --> 01:05:06,883 - Shit, you can win! - We getting them whiteys back? 966 01:05:08,722 --> 01:05:11,586 Unconditional surrender. 967 01:05:11,623 --> 01:05:14,611 That's your ass, Jones. 968 01:05:17,255 --> 01:05:19,502 For crimes against the Sovereign Republic of New Africa... 969 01:05:19,522 --> 01:05:20,681 and the assassination... 970 01:05:20,722 --> 01:05:23,017 of our beloved President Supreme Jackson... 971 01:05:23,056 --> 01:05:25,647 you've been ordered executed this day. 972 01:05:25,688 --> 01:05:27,348 You got a last request? 973 01:05:27,389 --> 01:05:30,082 Yes. Please don't shoot me. 974 01:05:31,288 --> 01:05:34,516 Ready... aim... fire! 975 01:05:34,588 --> 01:05:36,282 I bet you voted for Nixon! 976 01:05:36,321 --> 01:05:39,288 Did you by any chance, Mr. Smart Ass... 977 01:05:39,321 --> 01:05:41,446 pop some of my birth control pills? 978 01:05:41,488 --> 01:05:43,182 Oh, shit! 979 01:05:43,221 --> 01:05:45,278 Ralphie just peed on my shoes! 980 01:05:49,487 --> 01:05:53,011 Christ, is it refreshing to get away... 981 01:05:53,054 --> 01:05:55,110 from the pressures of the street. 982 01:05:56,886 --> 01:06:00,944 There's much to be said for the advantages of isolation. 983 01:06:00,987 --> 01:06:04,748 It allows one total freedom to pick and choose... 984 01:06:04,787 --> 01:06:09,844 without the forces of society to wear you down. 985 01:06:12,419 --> 01:06:14,385 Take the example of the influence... 986 01:06:14,419 --> 01:06:16,044 of our present-day culture. 987 01:06:16,086 --> 01:06:21,177 It typifies humanity's lack of personal concern for others. 988 01:06:31,084 --> 01:06:34,279 Hey, fuck you, you inconsiderate bastards! 989 01:06:34,318 --> 01:06:36,216 You just sit there on your fat asses... 990 01:06:36,250 --> 01:06:39,217 and dump on life indiscriminately. 991 01:06:45,350 --> 01:06:47,646 I suppose I should learn to accept... 992 01:06:47,684 --> 01:06:50,149 the miniscule distractions of life, though. 993 01:06:54,284 --> 01:06:56,374 Oh, shit! 994 01:06:59,283 --> 01:07:02,613 The sacred horn of Vishnu wakes you up. 995 01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,344 Do wake up, please, young Caucasian... 996 01:07:04,383 --> 01:07:06,246 'cause I've come to save your very soul. 997 01:07:06,283 --> 01:07:08,272 What? You sure you want me? 998 01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:12,879 It is not possible that I could be in error. 999 01:07:12,915 --> 01:07:16,745 You see, my good book here, it guides me as I wander... 1000 01:07:16,782 --> 01:07:19,577 through the vast cosmic universe of my experience... 1001 01:07:19,615 --> 01:07:23,342 with astral flash and good vibes as my bedfellows. 1002 01:07:23,383 --> 01:07:25,745 Wait a minute. I can't get behind that really. 1003 01:07:25,782 --> 01:07:27,577 Aren't those the yellow pages? 1004 01:07:29,649 --> 01:07:31,910 Oh, man. Could you not do that? 1005 01:07:31,948 --> 01:07:35,244 Please to wash my feet. Wash my feet, Caucasian one. 1006 01:07:35,281 --> 01:07:36,975 Especially the left one. 1007 01:07:37,014 --> 01:07:41,572 Only this morning, I stepped in sacred cow shit. 1008 01:07:41,614 --> 01:07:44,409 Wow, man. Hold on now. 1009 01:07:44,447 --> 01:07:47,708 I'm not really into washing cow shit off anybody's feet. 1010 01:07:47,748 --> 01:07:49,906 This is truly a bad omen. 1011 01:07:49,947 --> 01:07:52,504 I, Javral Ben Roderiga... 1012 01:07:52,546 --> 01:07:55,569 son of the most ample Javral Ben Roderiga Sr... 1013 01:07:55,614 --> 01:07:57,545 have been truly affronted. 1014 01:07:57,580 --> 01:08:00,012 Look, I didn't mean to offend you, man. 1015 01:08:00,046 --> 01:08:03,137 Silence. There is no need to explain. 1016 01:08:04,779 --> 01:08:07,871 Oh, yeah, this is nice. Very nice. 1017 01:08:07,912 --> 01:08:09,878 The brass horn of Vishnu announces... 1018 01:08:09,912 --> 01:08:13,241 that I am the second of two sent from the East. 1019 01:08:13,279 --> 01:08:15,142 Two also were sent from the West. 1020 01:08:15,178 --> 01:08:16,576 No matter. 1021 01:08:16,612 --> 01:08:19,737 It was to cure those, those poor unfortunates... 1022 01:08:19,778 --> 01:08:21,267 afflicted with the leprosy. 1023 01:08:21,312 --> 01:08:23,608 Jeez, that's really a shame, because I've seen... 1024 01:08:23,645 --> 01:08:26,611 a lot of disease down here, but no leprosy... so far. 1025 01:08:26,645 --> 01:08:28,235 No leprosy? No running sores? 1026 01:08:28,278 --> 01:08:30,268 Nothing like that. 1027 01:08:30,311 --> 01:08:34,539 This is most disturbing news. But chronic backache? 1028 01:08:34,577 --> 01:08:37,043 None of my friends have that, either, I don't think. 1029 01:08:37,077 --> 01:08:39,838 Well, then perhaps the dreaded dandruff... 1030 01:08:39,877 --> 01:08:41,900 or the very heartbreak of psoriasis? 1031 01:08:41,944 --> 01:08:44,705 No. I'll tell you the truth. I think you're a little late. 1032 01:08:44,744 --> 01:08:46,457 See, I think that went down a long time ago. 1033 01:08:46,477 --> 01:08:48,090 I could tell you a story, if you'd care to... 1034 01:08:48,110 --> 01:08:49,804 If you could possibly make it short... 1035 01:08:49,843 --> 01:08:52,537 because there is a strong possibility... 1036 01:08:52,576 --> 01:08:54,566 that I should be in Philadelphia. 1037 01:09:06,476 --> 01:09:09,465 Jesus, this stuff is dynamite. 1038 01:09:09,509 --> 01:09:13,532 The eyes of my own soul staring back at me. 1039 01:09:13,576 --> 01:09:17,235 God knows I've lived the best lives I was capable of. 1040 01:09:17,276 --> 01:09:22,038 My minor infractions of society's rules were only due... 1041 01:09:22,074 --> 01:09:24,540 Oh, please, Lucifer, don't take me! 1042 01:09:24,575 --> 01:09:25,938 I'm not ready! I'll change! 1043 01:09:25,975 --> 01:09:28,735 I'm already changing. Look at me change. 1044 01:09:28,774 --> 01:09:30,934 Oh, my God, what a way to go. 1045 01:09:34,074 --> 01:09:36,869 Excuse me, certainly. Hello? 1046 01:09:36,907 --> 01:09:38,338 Yoo-hoo down there. 1047 01:09:38,374 --> 01:09:42,034 Excuse me. Did anyone find an earring? 1048 01:09:42,073 --> 01:09:44,869 I dropped my earring in the trash. You'd recognize it. 1049 01:09:44,906 --> 01:09:46,735 It opens on one side. Kind of a jade color. 1050 01:09:46,774 --> 01:09:50,399 It's got a picture of Errol Flynn and Alan Hale naked... 1051 01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:52,598 Oh, Jesus Christ! Lucifer's a faggot! 1052 01:09:54,406 --> 01:09:57,100 Jesus Christ, my life is shit! 1053 01:09:57,139 --> 01:10:01,595 I had to get knocked up. I could've had an abortion. 1054 01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:05,834 No. Mr. Good-Time Charlie over there. 1055 01:10:05,872 --> 01:10:08,463 "No," he says. "Have the baby. 1056 01:10:08,505 --> 01:10:11,562 "We'll get married. I'll take care of you." 1057 01:10:11,605 --> 01:10:13,662 What'll you take care of? 1058 01:10:13,705 --> 01:10:15,898 It's a good thing we got Ralphie. 1059 01:10:15,939 --> 01:10:18,768 Otherwise, we don't even get welfare. 1060 01:10:18,805 --> 01:10:21,862 Will you tell me one thing you ever did for my Ralphie? 1061 01:10:21,904 --> 01:10:23,699 Do you ever play with him? 1062 01:10:23,739 --> 01:10:26,533 Do you ever take him to the ballgame? 1063 01:10:26,572 --> 01:10:29,128 Do you ever take him fishing? How about fishing? 1064 01:10:29,171 --> 01:10:32,159 Why don't you take your own son fishing? 1065 01:10:32,204 --> 01:10:34,830 You don't even change his kitty litter! 1066 01:10:34,870 --> 01:10:38,200 Did you know that Dr. Spock... 1067 01:10:38,237 --> 01:10:41,499 has stated very clearly in his book... 1068 01:10:41,536 --> 01:10:44,593 that fathers who are never there... 1069 01:10:44,637 --> 01:10:47,966 usually makes a fag kid? 1070 01:10:48,004 --> 01:10:50,183 Do you know what he does most of the time around the house? 1071 01:10:50,203 --> 01:10:53,499 If he's not picking his nose, he's jerking off. 1072 01:10:53,536 --> 01:10:56,501 How's that gonna look when he starts kindergarten? 1073 01:10:56,536 --> 01:10:58,831 Suck my dick, huh? 1074 01:10:58,869 --> 01:11:00,664 You get outta here! 1075 01:11:00,703 --> 01:11:03,133 Pack your things and get out! 1076 01:11:05,702 --> 01:11:08,032 I said get out, and I mean it! 1077 01:11:08,068 --> 01:11:09,466 While I'm still young enough... 1078 01:11:09,501 --> 01:11:12,332 to find a decent father for my child, you bum. 1079 01:11:12,369 --> 01:11:13,834 All you do is lay around. 1080 01:11:13,868 --> 01:11:15,561 Listen, I'm sick of cleaning up after you. 1081 01:11:15,602 --> 01:11:18,328 And don't think I don't know that you fool around. 1082 01:11:18,369 --> 01:11:21,062 I know it. You junkie, you hophead, you. 1083 01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:22,397 Are you kidding? 1084 01:11:22,434 --> 01:11:24,060 No, I'm not. I'm sick of seeing you... 1085 01:11:24,101 --> 01:11:25,795 sitting around here doing nothing. 1086 01:11:25,835 --> 01:11:27,198 Get serious! 1087 01:11:27,234 --> 01:11:30,064 Don't come back here until you're ready to shape up! 1088 01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:47,089 Too much. I thought she was putting me on. 1089 01:11:47,133 --> 01:11:50,395 Hey, she actually did it. That blows my mind. 1090 01:11:50,433 --> 01:11:53,887 Hey, I don't have to go to the welfare office tomorrow. 1091 01:11:53,933 --> 01:11:57,365 Jesus! Wow! 1092 01:12:00,366 --> 01:12:01,764 Know what that is? That's shit! 1093 01:12:04,099 --> 01:12:05,497 You are shit! 1094 01:12:35,863 --> 01:12:37,853 Know what? Know what? 1095 01:12:37,897 --> 01:12:39,624 She's got the clap! 1096 01:12:39,663 --> 01:12:42,152 Some of my best friends... 1097 01:12:42,197 --> 01:12:44,186 When he gets back to Earth. 1098 01:13:30,261 --> 01:13:32,989 This is about the worst life I ever had.